Brown Stains

No, not that kind, even though a lot of legal shit has been hitting the fans around here. The appartment we are renting is a very nice concrete building, about thirty years old, with strange rounded balconies, a bit like theatre boxes.

The lady at the very top of the building, from some hazily northern country and rarely in residence, has, for the last 25 years been patiently and completely illegally colonising the vast roof space beyond her official terrace, turning it into a lush garden complete with swimming pool, lawns, and a bosky dell replete with ancient olive trees. A little paradise.

The trouble is the roof was not designed to carry such a load, and the most fantastic leaks have happened. The flat above ours is now officially uninhabitable, and water has also made its way down patiently into our kitchen, immediately below, thus the brown stains.

The building being a 'copropriété' (condominium), this has meant complex bureaucratic and legal manoeuvres to agree that gnarled forests and their respective root systems, coupled with water retention due to blocked run-offs, are the cause of the inundations. Once that has happened, possibly six months of further leaks away, the real disagreement about who is to pay will get going.

The process came to a head yesterday afternoon, when the whole troop of owners (not a pretty sight watching the propertied classes protecting their interests) ended up, with respective lawyers, engineers, condensation experts etc., marching into our flat to look at the brown stains. One of the owners was represented by his father, who was nearly 7 foot tall. He was officially nominated to look at the stains from close to, which, considering they were on the ceiling, was quite a good idea. Before the multitude, yours truly had to make a statement 'sur l'honneur' about the stains, making it clear whether water had dripped, dribbled, sweated or oozed through the plaster. All these absentee landlords were taking notes and consulting their lawyers.